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Keeping the spark alive... without burning down the house.

Updated: Oct 13, 2021

As a couple, no one is as important as your partner. But once children come on the scene, partners and spouses are quickly replaced in the priority line by children. We press pause on our soul mate, and bump them down the priority list for the next 18 years. That’s just not a good idea as far as I am concerned but I have to agree that kids can put strain on a relationship and its so important to protect that first relationship, without which those kids wouldn't be here!

When you first fall in love, there's excitement and passion, as your relationship grows, it becomes more about intimacy and connection. So if those butterflies have flown away, don’t worry—it doesn’t mean your love has died. The first thing to realize about being in a long-term relationship is that it waxes and wanes. What you feel in the beginning is impossible to sustain. But these are some ideas to make your relationship much more exciting, fulfilling and fun.

Touch At this particular stage of my life, running after two small kids and working from home I find my partner's massage at the end of the day is a great way for us to reconnect, not to mention relax. Physical contact, be it kissing, hugging or holding hands, is a simple way to show the other person how you feel, even when those tender moments may be fleeting with the kids yelling in the background.

Date Night It might seem obvious but you’d be surprised how many people I know don't go on date night anymore. With a date night, you'll always have something to look forward to and get excited about.

Be kind A compliment goes a long way to making someone feel special and important in your life. And it costs nothing but a little thought. Small gestures of appreciation – even if it's just a simple thank-you – for doing the mundane tasks necessary to keep a household going are appreciated, It sends a message not only of appreciation, but also of respect and commitment that you are in this together.

Get physical According to a recent study, Canada, along with Austria, the United States and Spain, was one of the most sexually satisfied countries in the world. The study also found that in Western nations, about half of the men and one-third of the women said sex was extremely important in their lives. A little bit of wooing sends the heart aflutter, while sex is a special bond between partners that helps maintain and strengthen a relationship.

Surprise each other It doesn't have to be something grand. Small little presents that show your partner that you were thinking about them can make a huge difference. Even if its just their favorite chocolate bar as you are passing the Spar.

Do something apart Everyone needs some time to him or herself, as much as you may love being with your partner. Allowing your partner time away from you is important to the health of your relationship, The time apart, properly spent, revitalises your partner and your relationship. And because it relies on trust to work, it strengthens your relationship, too.

Make the call

Call your partner unexpectedly just to say you love him/her and were thinking of him/her and tell them something that you appreciate about them.

Huuuugs When you pass your partner in the kitchen just stop and go in for the hug. Hugs are a great way to connect as well as being a natural anxiety supressor.

Feel like making love? Try a new way to make your love-making more sensual and prolonged. (Can use candles, incense, longer foreplay, times of just kissing and holding, caressing, exploring each other's bodies by touch, etc.) Make love' with no penetration or oral sex -- be creative in being sexually and sensually loving.

Kissing is King Next time you kiss, pause, look into your partner's eyes remembering what it was like when you first met. Touch his/her face. Trace his/her lips with your finger. Slowly bring your lips to your spouse's lips--first gently kissing his/her upper lip, then lower lip. Embrace your partner and gently kiss them fully, letting your lips part, and enjoy every second of it. After the kissing is finished, just hold each other a few moments longer.

Fireside dinners Create a romantic dinner at home or out somewhere. With the winter closing in we love to have our dinner and take out on the floor in front of the fire picnic style. Sit and talk about fun and romantic times in your relationship--when you were dating, first married, etc. Enjoy the memories and think about how to bring some of that into the present.

Night or weekend away Plan a surprise getaway weekend for just the two of you--arranging for baby-sitters, dogsitters, etc. Take your partner someplace you think your spouse will love. Maybe to the place you first met or a special hotel that you visited in the early days.

The Lie In Make sure your partner can sleep in one weekend morning. Take care of telephone, kids, dogs, etc.

Daredevils forever Studies show that adrenaline increases attraction. So if you’re longing to make your heart go pitter-patter again, try literally kick-starting it. If jumping out of a plane isn’t your thing go to an amusement park, a haunted house, or trying anything new and adventurous that interests both of you.

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